You tell your kids to wash their hands, not talk to strangers and look both ways before crossing the street. But how do you help keep them safe from bullying, especially in middle school and high school where social pressure can feel overwhelming?

Understanding the types of bullying, spotting warning signs and knowing how to respond can help you protect your child and give you greater peace of mind. It can also help your child feel supported, heard and more confident in speaking up.

Bullying: More Than Just “Kids Being Kids”

At its core, bullying is repeated, unwanted aggressive behavior. It also involves a power imbalance between the child being targeted and the one doing the bullying. That imbalance can be real or perceived. It may involve physical strength, popularity, social influence or digital reach.

Bullying isn’t rare. About one in five students reports being bullied during the school year, while many more witness or know someone who is being bullied. That means many children are affected, even if they are not directly targeted.

The Main Types of Bullying

Bullying may not always be obvious. It can show up in different ways — sometimes loud and visible, other times subtle and hard to detect.

Common types of bullying to watch for:

Physical bullying

This may be what you picture first. Physical bullying includes actions like hitting, kicking, pushing or damaging someone’s belongings.

Because physical bullying involves physical aggression, it’s often easier to recognize and can leave visible injuries. It may also lead your child to avoid certain places or activities.

Verbal bullying

Verbal bullying involves name-calling, insults, teasing or threats.

Even though it leaves no physical marks, the emotional impact can be just as serious — especially when it targets something personal, such as appearance, identity or abilities. These experiences can affect self-esteem and mental health.

Social bullying

Sometimes called relational bullying, social bullying involves damaging a person’s relationships or reputation. This can include:

• Spreading rumors
• Excluding someone from a group
• Publicly embarrassing someone

Research shows that rumor-spreading and exclusion are some of the most common bullying behaviors students report. This type of bullying can be harder to notice because it often happens within friend groups.

Bullying online (cyberbullying)

Bullying online happens through social media, texting, gaming platforms and other digital spaces.

Common examples include:

• Posting hurtful comments
• Sharing embarrassing photos
• Spreading rumors online
• Excluding someone from group chats

Because it can happen anytime — day or night — it may feel impossible for kids to escape. More than half of teens say online harassment is a major problem for people their age, and many report facing more than one type. Unlike in-person bullying, harmful content can be shared quickly and widely.

Why Bullying Feels Different Today

As Northwestern Medicine Psychologist Zachary J. Sikora, PsyD, explains, technology has changed the landscape.

“Bullying used to end when you left the playground,” says Dr. Sikora. “Now it follows kids home.”

Unlike traditional bullying, cyberbullying can leave a lasting digital footprint. Posts, comments and images can stick around indefinitely — making the emotional impact last longer. This can make it harder for kids to move on from the experience.

Signs That Your Child May Be Experiencing Bullying

Only about 44% of students tell an adult about bullying, which means many kids are facing it on their own. Many stay silent because they fear making things worse, feel embarrassed or worry about how adults will react. That means parents and caregivers often need to recognize the signs themselves.

It’s important to watch for changes in behavior. Look for patterns or changes that feel out of character, not just one isolated incident.

Emotional changes

• New or increased sadness, mood swings, irritability or anxiety

Physical changes

• Unexplained headaches or stomachaches, especially on school days
• Changes in appetite, eating habits or sleep
• Missing belongings

Behavioral changes

• Avoiding school or social situations
• Loss of interest in friends or activities previously enjoyed
• Declining grades
• Talking about self-harm

If something feels off about your child’s behavior, trust that instinct and check in, even if they say nothing is wrong at first.

How To Respond to Bullying

If you suspect bullying, start with a calm, open conversation. Kids are more likely to open up when they feel safe — not judged or rushed. Simple questions like “How are things going at school?” or “Has anything been bothering you lately?” can help start the conversation.

It’s important to stay calm, even if what your child describes is upsetting. Your response can influence whether they feel comfortable continuing the conversation.

Dr. Sikora recommends focusing on safety first. From there:

• Contact your child’s school if needed.
• Document incidents, especially cases of bullying online.
• Seek support from a mental health professional.

Encourage your child not to respond to bullying online. Instead, save messages, posts or screenshots as evidence of what happened.

If You’re Worried About Your Child’s Safety

If you notice signs of depression or emotional distress, be direct and compassionate. Asking difficult questions can feel uncomfortable, but it can help your child feel seen — and it can save a life.

If your child mentions self-harm, or if you’re concerned they may be considering it, ask them calmly and directly about it, take it seriously and seek immediate support.

Immediate support resources

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.
• Emergency support: If your child is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

There are also resources available at stopbullying.gov to help you and your child navigate a bullying situation.

When Your Child Is the One Bullying Others

It’s just as important to act quickly if your child is showing bullying behavior. It’s natural to want to defend them, minimize it or lean hard into punishment. However, these responses alone may not address the reasons behind the behavior or help prevent it from happening again.

Bullying is usually a symptom, not just a discipline problem. Kids who bully others are often dealing with something underneath, such as:

• Stress at home
• Being bullied themselves
• Trouble managing anger or insecurity
• Learning that aggression gets them status or control

“Something emotional inside the child is triggering the bullying behavior,” says Dr. Sikora.

Punishment alone (such as taking away a phone or grounding) might stop one incident, but it may not address why the behavior started. It can even backfire, making it harder for your child to talk openly about what happened.

What to do first

• Stay calm before you respond. If the school calls or you see messages your child sent, take a breath before reacting. Kids are more likely to be honest with you if the conversation doesn’t start with yelling.

• Ask questions instead of assuming. Try: “Can you walk me through what happened?” rather than “Why would you do that?” The goal is to understand what triggered it, not just get a confession.

• Make the impact real. Kids who bully sometimes don’t fully understand how it felt for the other child. Without shaming, help them see the effect: “How do you think it felt for them?”

• Set a clear, consistent consequence and explain why it matters. Without a conversation about why, consequences rarely lead to lasting change.

• Get them connected to support. A therapist or counselor can help figure out what’s beneath the behavior, such as anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty with peer relationships or their own experience being bullied, and build better tools for handling it.

• Model it yourself. Kids absorb how adults around them handle conflict, frustration and power. If they see calm, respectful problem-solving at home, it becomes the default they reach for elsewhere.

Addressing the situation early can prevent long-term harm to both your child and others. Modeling respect, empathy and healthy communication can go a long way.

Bullying Is Complex

Whether it’s physical, verbal, social or online, all types of bullying share one thing: They’re harmful and often rooted in a power imbalance.

By understanding the different forms of bullying and staying close to your child, you can help them face challenges safely and remind them that they are never alone. Regular check-ins, open communication and trusted adult support can make a meaningful difference.